Writers’ Poppycock.

Earlier this week, I returned home from a blissful couple of days in the countryside. After having spent a couple of days reading, shopping and eating as well as enjoying countryside air and hospitality, I returned home determined that I would complete my novel ‘Fix Me Up’. I was excited to open up my laptop and start writing after a couple of months of concentrating on academic writing. I remained blissed out until I opened my email account. Sitting there in my inbox was a rejection email. And there ended my buzz.

I had entered a short story competition a couple of months ago, paid the rather stiff entry fee and what did I get in response? A metaphorical kick in the nuts and a generic email identifying what many applicants did wrong – nothing specific to my submission. I understand that these prizes have hundreds, perhaps thousands, of applicants but to charge a not unsubstantial entry fee means even the “losers” expect a little bit of feedback.

What followed over the next couple of days was misery, self-doubt, dramatic pronouncements that my writing career may well be over and a fair bit of self-flagellation (metaphorically, obviously). Below are a few of the internal arguments I’ve had with myself this week:

You’ve got an MA in Creative Writing. Fluff.

People write good reviews of your work on Amazon. They’re just being kind.

You won that Story Tyne award. Dumb luck/not many entries.

People say they love your Creative Writing sessions. They feel sorry for me.

After writing a despairing Facebook post a couple of days ago, I realised that what I was suffering from is an affliction suffered by many of those thoughtful souls who write. When you spend all day chained to your desk, with only Tweets and Facebook messages to connect you to the outside world, it’s easy to feel lonely. That loneliness can lend itself to negative thoughts which can quickly turn into writers block, or worse.  I wonder how many people throw their writing in the bottom of a drawer during one of these episodes, convinced that their writing is bad. How many potentially successful authors, playwrights, poets or screenwriters have dropped out because the demon convinces them their work is no good?

How many of us have suffered from what a friend of mine calls “impostor syndrome”? Have you ever stood in front of an audience, ready to read your work, waiting for someone to shout “(S)He shouldn’t be here, they’re not really a writer!”? Have you ever received so many rejections from agents, publishers, production companies or competitions that you think that must be a sign? It’s not. You just haven’t found the right fit yet.

My friend Andrea Anastasiou wrote an article about using mindfulness techniques to live in the present. You may wonder what that has to do with neurotic writers’ syndrome but some of the techniques she talks about can help you keep the negativity at bay.

I know how it feels to be rejected – it’s likely most of the people you know who inhabit this writing world know that feeling too. It doesn’t mean you should give up.

Vic x

Getting to Know You: Carol Fenwick

Today I have the lovely Carol Fenwick here to give all of you writers out there some advice. Carol did her Masters in Creative Writing at Teesside University so she knows her stuff!

Vic x

How would I define writing? A powerful tone or voice that gives resonance to someone either as a narrative e.g. a life story (auto) biographical, a novel or spoken word, oral storytelling, or what we now describe as performance poetry.

To me writing is more than the words on paper. Appreciation of words is a maxim of mine, what is important is how a tale or story is told.

My rules on writing are as follows:

• Writers write.
• You need to learn the rules before they can break them. Read as much as you can and write as much as possible. Never make the mistake of thinking you can break rules without learning your craft. I have learnt the hard way.
• Listen to the lecturers on writing courses and apply yourself in your learning. Hard work and perfecting your craft is important as is everything in life.
• Be your own harshest critic but be constructive with others. There is nothing worse or more cowardly than someone who criticises you but does not have the guts to apply their criticisms to themselves. You need to be ruthless when it comes to your own writing, as one lecturer memorably told me: “You got to kill your babies”. In  this context, your babies are the bits of writing you love but that are irrelevant to the story. Constant repetition, typos, spelling mistakes, grammar errors you name it. If you won’t be hard on yourself there will always be a troll or even a writing critic that will be harsher. So you’ve got to try to make it as perfect as possible. That’s the hard part. But it is also a fun challenge.
• Don’t give up – life is a learning curve and so is writing. 

My final point is that writing is a craft and we are all still learning, so learn as much as you can when possible. This is a rule that I have a tendency to break as a busy lifestyle, like having young children, can lessen the time you spend on writing. Having children can be ultimately inspirational. I developed plenty of ideas for poems and children’s stories through talking and playing with my son.

If you would like to read more of my work, I have two books, ‘Modern Proverbs: Stories from Spain and Gibraltar‘ and ‘Light and Shade‘, available on Amazon. Both selections of short stories are also available on http://www.createspace.com

Please consider joining my group, Copper Beech and Silver Birch Publishing for information on how you can get works published: http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/142681622567914/

I also have a children’s publishing service page on facebook. Please feel free to like. The link is below: http://www.facebook.com/#!/MuckyPupsAndChinaDolls

World Book Night Guest Post

I’d like to contribute to this great annual event by sharing some of my thoughts on the importance of reading to my son Tom.

Tom is 17 now. He attends college and is enjoying life. But this has not always been the case. When he was 9, he was assessed and we were told that he suffered from dyslexia and had difficulties with reading. This came as a shock to us because Tom lives in a home where he is surrounded by books and reading is something of a passion. When Tom was very young he was read to and encouraged to read for himself and I have to admit that even now, having had a mass of advice from experts and, yes, read several books on the subject I am still unclear as to what causes dyslexia.

To cut a long story short, Tom was given patchy and inconsistent support at school. He is bright (very numerate) and resented the label “special needs”. He became resistant after being called stupid by one or two teachers and his school years were very unhappy. Tom managed to develop his reading skills enough to just about get by but his attitude to reading became almost phobic.

Academic issues aside, we felt that Tom’s personal development was being limited by his unwillingness to even discuss possible reading formats that he could cope with. He could now construct the individual words on a page but the effort of doing this meant that his comprehension of the story he was reading or the concept being put forward was lost. I had a conversation with a retired soldier friend who had at one time had responsibility for training young recruits and he told me that a good portion of those recruits were similar to Tom. My friend found that, as with any skill, the more it is practiced the better you get to the point where it becomes second nature.

How could we find something that would fire Tom’s interest and make him pick up a book? I discussed this with my Twitter friend, Victoria, and she helped me to realise that we should build on anything that Tom had shown interest in when he was younger. Tom loved being read stories by Roald Dahl but as a 16 year old, he was resistant to reading stories for younger children because it reminded him that he had difficulty.By this time, for Tom, aggressive avoidance was the name of the game. Victoria suggested tempting him with a book of short stories by Roald Dahl written for adults and she very kindly sent me a copy.

The package arrived and was opened by Tom who looked at it briefly then put it to one side and we thought well, that’s that. A couple of days later though he was actually flicking through it at the breakfast table and then he went on to read one of the stories. Slowly, over a period of weeks he worked his way through the book and he started to talk about them. He described Roald Dahl as “sick” and “peng”. This is translated to “really good” and “amazing”. He then went on to read HG Wells short stories and some Jules Verne.

Tom’s conversation is much broader than it was; his confidence is greater, although he is absolutely unwilling to read aloud in public because he was laughed at on a number of occasions at school. He is still wrestling with the concept of whether reading is “cool” among his peer group but he has broken through a major barrier to pleasure and development in his life.

Tom says he’s about to start ‘The Hobbit’ (because of the movie) and is wading through an ‘ Encyclopedia of Middle Earth’!

I said that I still don’t fully understand dyslexia and I know that Tom may never find reading as comfortable as most of us but he has at least found the key to reading for pleasure and the riches that it can bring.

Paul Newcombe

Happy World Book Night!

Good evening folks, happy World Book Night. For the second year running, I have been chosen to be a “giver” so I have several copies of ‘The Secret Scripture’ by Sebastian Barry to pass on.

Here’s a bit more info about World Book Night:

“The more I read the more I fought against the assumption that literature is for the minority – of a particular education or class. Books were my birthright too.” Jeanette Winterson, ‘Why be happy when you could be normal?’

UNESCO defines literacy as the “ability to identify, understand, interpret, create, communicate and compute, using printed and written materials associated with varying contexts. Literacy involves a continuum of learning in enabling individuals to achieve their goals, to develop their knowledge and potential, and to participate fully in their community and wider society.”

It is widely acknowledged that reading for pleasure improves literacy directly by actively engaging emerging readers in the desire to read.

In the UK over half of adults of working age (56%) have literacy skills below the level of a good GCSE, 40% of these are at Level 1 (similar to a D-G in GCSE English), the government set standard for literacy, and 16% at or below the level expected of an 11-year-old. In teens, literacy levels have been steadily rising as a result of the National Literacy Strategy but directly alongside this, reading for pleasure has begun to decline. Surveys report that between a third and half of the UK population don’t regularly read, see reading as a chore and aren’t interested in or see the value of reading. Many regular readers take it for granted that everyone has had the same opportunity they have – to have been introduced to reading by someone passionate about and to have had the opportunity to develop that passion themselves.

Reading changes lives, improves employability, social interaction, enfranchisement and can have an effect on mental health and happiness.

Through its unique delivery World Book Night involves tens of thousands of people in sharing the value of reading in their communities and delivers brilliant books directly into the hands of those who might never otherwise engage with books and reading.

As a trainee teacher and writer, I am very aware of the power of the written word and that is why World Book Night is one of the most important dates in my calendar each year. The idea that giving someone a compelling book could change their life so fundamentally makes me want to do this every day of the year. 

If you know someone who is not “a natural reader” or “a bookworm”, leave a comment on this post or Tweet me @vpeanuts and I’ll happily share one of my WBN books in the hope of changing their mind. 

Last year I gave ‘Someone Like You‘, a collection of short stories by my favourite author Roald Dahl. The guest post that will follow this one explains how that book made the difference to one young man’s life. 

Vic x

Getting to Know You: Valerie Laws

Today I’m happy to have yet another fellow North-East writer chatting on the blog. The very clever and multi-talented Valerie Laws is here to tell us about her writing life.

Vic x

What do you like most about writing?

There’s the feeling when something goes right, a piece of work seems to be getting close to the idea in my head. Then there’s learning new stuff. I have many Writer in Residence posts which are so interesting, I’ve learned so much and met so many cool people who are generous with their time and expertise. I feel very lucky that I’ve managed to work as a full-time professional writer for a decade or so, with 11 books to my name. Then there’s reaching an audience, making people laugh and cry. Hearing and seeing them do it when performing my poetry or reading from my novels or when watching one of my plays. My AV poetry installation ‘Slicing the Brain’ had a very powerful effect on exhibition visitors in London and Newcastle, reading their comments in the visitors’ book was amazing. Positive reactions to my novels online or at events, good reviews on Amazon.  A total stranger was tweeting about how much she loved my crime novel ‘The Rotting Spot‘ the other day, which was fab.

What do you dislike (if anything)?

Sometimes it’s frustrating but that’s part of the challenge. Pressure of time; marketing my books and poetry, I enjoy that but it takes up a lot of writing time – I would like to slow down the planet to get longer days. Rejections, or projects which crash and burn, part of any writer’s life, they never get any nicer!
What inspires you to write?

Most of my plays, even my BBC radio play ‘Nowt to Look At’  and many of my poems are about the lives of real working class people from the North East, especially from the past, people like my own family background. I am passionate about the life stories of people who were ignored by historians and academics, and whose endurance, courage, and spirit, to say nothing of their humour, deserve to be celebrated. Even Lydia Bennet – I wanted her to speak up for herself instead of being scorned by all the ‘good’ characters in Austen’s novel! Hence my comedy ebook ‘Lydia Bennet’s Blog‘, her saucy teen version of ‘Pride and Prejudice‘. Another major inspiration is the sea, I’ve always lived by the sea and am obsessed with water and swimming. Again, many poems and most of my plays are sea-related (e.g. ‘Collingwood’, ‘The Selkie’, ‘Hadaway’), and I love the sea’s power, beauty and ever-changing colours. My crime novel ‘The Rotting Spot‘ is set in Seaton Sluice on a tiny headland in the North Sea, which is really like a main character. The follow-up novel ‘The Operator’ is also set on the north east coast. Ideas also come to me from personal experience, listening to people’s stories in queues, headlines, and they keep hanging about annoying me until I write them. They come as poems, plays, novels, sci-art installations…  I write when I feel I’ve got something that needs saying. I am often commissioned to write or create something and I find writing to a deadline inspiring!

Do you find time to read, if so what are you reading at the moment?

I always find time to read. Apart from being a fanatical and very fast reader, I have a lot of friends who write books, and I like to support them! I read masses of crime fiction. I’m just finishing my friend Ann Cleeves’ new Shetland novel ‘Dead Water‘, she’s always so good – I even buy hers in hardback, and I’m a total Kindle convert!  I read a lot of poetry, just been re-reading Ann Alexander’s ‘Too Close‘ in e-book form.

Which author(s) has/have had the biggest influence on your writing?

I love the novels of Barbara Pym, and Jane Austen (though I’m having fun with her heroes and heroines in ‘Lydia Bennet’s Blog‘!) I love a lot of poets’ work and I know many of them so have to be careful here but Sharon Olds, an American poet, is breathtakingly honest and intimate. Shakespeare, he’s funny, lively, sexy, sad and his language is so powerful and entrancing to hear. William Blake’s poetry, he’s a true prophet, he foresaw some modern scientific and social ideas far ahead of his time. Oh so many… I don’t try to write like anyone in particular, but writers I love have changed me so they must change my writing I suppose.

If you weren’t a writer, what would you be doing?

I would be a forensic pathologist. I have a degree in Maths/Theoretical Physics, but I’ve done years of research recently working closely with neuroscientists and pathologists to learn about the science of dying for ‘All That Lives‘, my latest poetry collection from Red Squirrel Press, and that has been an amazing journey – I’m Writer in Residence at a pathology museum in London, as well as in several other unusual brain institutes, and now at Dilston Physic Garden near Corbridge, growing mind altering plants! The more I learn about death, the more I learn about life. This interest also feeds into my crime fiction. I collect skulls, so I have an interest in anatomy. I was a teacher until I was disabled in a car crash 27 years ago.

 

What do you think are your strengths and weaknesses?

I have ‘multiple publishing disorder’, I write in lots of genres, which makes it perhaps harder to succeed financially, I’m always keeping lots of plates spinning and rushing round like a mad thing and it’s harder to market my work when I’m doing poetry, performances, exhibitions, plays, novels. I also write across genres. But this is just who I am. Strengths, from a writing point of view, I would say lyrical sensuality, witty dialogue, writing about taboo or difficult subjects such as malformed foetuses or dementia or flirting at funerals or phone sex… Weaknesses, well, lyrical sensuality and humour in the eyes of those who like spare minimalist writing and disapprove of humour in crime fiction (yes, some do)! I also work hard but I always put off starting something new as I’m scared it won’t work – though sometimes it is forming in my head during that time.

What are you working on at the moment?

I’ve just relaunched my ‘‘Clueless in corsets” comedy ‘Lydia Bennet’s Blog – The Real Story of Pride & Prejudice‘ on Kindle which has some great 5* reviews from respected authors. I’ve had a splendid new cover designed by Alison Richards, with a steampunky feel, to get across the timeslip element of the book.  Lydia Bennet’s shameless story is told in modern teen language though it’s set in the 19th century. So I’m busy spreading the word about that.

My newest Writer in Residence post at Dilston Physic Garden includes a commission for one of my signature inventions, the quantum haiku, first seen in my world-infamous ‘Quantum Sheep’ project, where I spray-painted sheep with words of a poem which they rewrote randomly. The second one was on beach balls in a swimming pool, featured in BBC2’s ‘Why Poetry Matters’ with Griff Rhys Jones. This will be my third in the series, and will also be in water, but will be on the theme of plants and their strange evolution of chemicals which mirror the chemicals in our brains – self-defence for the plant, drugs for humans. I’ll be doing some workshops at the garden later on, so do check those out! I’ve just had to fight for my copyright of ‘Quantum Sheep’, first seen in 2002, as someone hustled the idea and sold a simplified version of it to a couple of organisations as their own! My project is still all over the internet and frequently published, referred to and used by many to inspire them to do new things with the idea, which is fine by me as long as they do something different and don’t claim credit for the original idea.

I’m busy touring all over performing my ‘CSI: Poetry’ from  ’All That Lives‘, which is being well received, and a lot of my new poems are being published in various anthologies. I’m busy formatting the book for Kindle which is quite a challenge – much harder than novels due to the layout of the poems and the differing sizes of e-reader screens. I have other work to put out on Kindle too, when I get the chance! My next poetry collection is well underway and I hope it will come out next year.

My second crime novel ‘The Operator’ is ready to roll when I’ve sorted out publication. Whether to go indie ebook, or get a publisher, or both, or…? Things are changing so fast in the book world!

When you’re a famous author and you write your autobiography, what will be the title?

‘Quantum Sheep’ is my most famous work and a great title but I’ve already got a poetry collection named that. ‘Counting Quantum Sheep’? Perhaps ‘In the name of the Laws’? ‘Laws of Physics’?

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers?

The poet/playwright Peter Mortimer once told me that a poem, and I think it’s true of novels and plays too, needs an imperative of some kind: it’s something you feel needs to be said. I’d also say write the kind of books or works you want to write, not just what you think will sell or succeed. Lee Child said when you can see the bandwagon, you’ve already missed it! Keep learning and exploring new ideas, new technology, skills and experiences.

What’s been your proudest moment as a writer?

Difficult to say, each step seems like a pinnacle at the time – first poem published, first competition prize, first full poetry book, first novel… being interviewed live on BBC Radio 4’s iconic ‘Today’ programme by John Humphrys (about Quantum Sheep of course!), performing live at Royal Festival Hall in London, first nights and last nights of each of my stage plays, my radio play: each time I feel, wow, this is as good as it gets, this might be the best it ever is. For a couple of days, then I raise the bar for myself. Anyway those moments make up for the many failures!

What would you say to your sixteen-year-old self if you could offer one word of advice or inspiration?

Literally one word? Too hard even for a poet but ‘Enjoy!’ might do it.  More than one? Erm, ‘You will get there, enjoy the journey.’  And that doesn’t just apply to writing!

Where can we find you online?

My website: http://www.valerielaws.co.uk/

You can contact me via Twitter – @ValerieLaws –  or Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/valaws - or my website to get copies, or order paperbacks of THE ROTTING SPOT and ALL THAT LIVES from http://www.redsquirrelpress.com

My Residency at Dilston Physic Garden is here: http://www.dilstonphysicgarden.com/writer_residence.htm

Getting to Know You: Gemma Wilford.

Today on the blog, I’m thrilled to have Gemma Wilford here to chat about her life as an author. She’s on a mission to publish a novel before she’s thirty – I really hope she succeeds! 

Vic x

What do you like most about writing? What do you dislike (if anything)?

I love the freedom to escape to another life and how your imagination knows no boundaries. An idea can come from anywhere and it’s that strong urge to get those thoughts straight onto paper and tell the story that’s begging to be told. I like watching the characters I create come to life and how they develop as I continue to write, especially when they surprise you and take you in directions you hadn’t planned.

The only thing I dislike is my continuing need to improve. Why is this so bad I hear you say? Well, as writer’s we edit, edit, re-write, edit again – a continuous cycle that I find endless as no matter how many times I read a supposed ‘finished’ piece of writing, I still want to edit it further.

What inspires you to write?

I have wanted to do this since I was a little girl and back then, books such as ‘The Famous Five’, ‘The Secret Seven’ and ‘Nancy Drew’ influenced me. Summers were spent with my nose in these books swiftly followed by me writing my own version. I loved my creative writing lessons at school and I had a teacher who was very encouraging (he has just recently published his own novel ‘Beyond Saving‘.)

When I would get ready for school, I often day dreamed about other families and other characters’, stories forming in my head. Their stories would sometimes continue from day to day and I wish I had wrote them down at the time.

I can find inspiration from the most random of things – from a one liner overheard in a conversation, to a TV advert or a fight at a self-checkout til in Asda.

Do you find time to read, if so what are you reading at the moment?

I try to read a little bit before I go to sleep but as I am a shift worker, this is not always feasible. I tend to read on my breaks at work or on my days off. I am currently reading a new release by Melissa Foster – ‘Traces of Kara‘.

Which author(s) has/have had the biggest influence on your writing?

Marian Keyes has definitely had a big influence – her wit and ability to make you laugh and cry in the same book is outstanding. She tackles sensitive subjects and deals with them with such dignity while at the same time keeping a light-hearted pace.

Melissa Foster has had a huge influence; I joined her Amazing Support Team (#GoTeamPIF) back in September. Through this team, I have learnt so much in regards to networking, marketing and editing as well as developing my writing style by reading other Author’s work and taking advice from them in regards to my own work.

If you weren’t a writer, what would you be doing?

Tough question – I work full time and write, which has only become my way of life in the past couple of years. I couldn’t imagine what I would be doing if I wasn’t writing and I can’t believe it has taken me this long to get into it (adolescence then the hum drum of working adult life crept in the way of any creative writing.) But in answer to your question, I would probably be a photographer. I love taking pictures to use on my blog and playing around with them, so I would probably pursue that more professionally.

What do you think are your strengths and weaknesses?

My weakness is impatience, I want everything done straight away and done right. However, that is a tough lesson to learn. As writer’s, we are taught to take our time and not rush a book being published just to get it ‘out there’. I learnt this by rushing to get ‘The Ruby of Egypt‘ self-published. Don’t get me wrong, I edited it over and over – I just didn’t get it professionally edited and I used a simple book cover. I have since had it edited and a brand new book cover designed – all things I could have taken my time with.

My strengths? Hmmm I think my crazy imagination? I sometimes come up with the most bizarre of ideas and interpretations of things so as a writer that surely has to be a bonus.

What are you working on at the moment?

I am currently working on a recession based Chick-Lit novel called ‘Little Miss Pooshoe’. I wrote this in January and February of 2012 and I am now taking my time doing a second round of edits before it goes to an editor. The book was like therapy to write as it’s about a woman who loses her job. I got close to losing mine the year before and was placed in a role I didn’t want to be in. It allowed me to vent and put a lot of what I felt down on paper. Fortunately, things have turned out alright in the role I am in and I can now see it worked out for the better – plus a novel was crafted from it!

Where can we find you online?

You can find me over at Missuswolf’s StoryLand. I am also on Facebook as well as Twitter @Missuswolf

When you’re a famous author and you write your autobiography, what will be the title?

Haha I would have picked ‘The Story of Miss Pooshoe’ as it is actually my nickname – however as I intend to use that in my novel I may have to re-think. Once Upon a dream?

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers?

Yes – write, write and write some more! Also the power of online friends and social media is so valuable, it is the perfect world for writer’s to connect, share and help each other.

What’s been your proudest moment?

When I first self-published ‘The Ruby of Egypt‘ and received my hard copy – the feeling of having your name on a book and your words in print is just amazing – a true sense of achievement.

What would you say to your sixteen-year-old self if you could offer one word of advice or inspiration?

Write. You may come to a time when you feel lost and don’t know where to turn so just write – it’s what you have always loved and will continue to love.

The Most Infuriating Article I’ve Read in a Long Time

OK, along with thousands of other people in the UK, I am not a fan of Liz Jones. Her articles tend to provoke an eye roll from me and perhaps a pitiful snort of derision at how low this woman continuously sinks in order to have something to write about. Thankfully, I don’t happen across her work often but, sadly, today I have and it has made my blood boil.

Earlier this week, Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne was pictured getting out of his chauffeured SUV at a service station. His driver had parked in a disabled space. There’ve been plenty of jokes circulating about it but now Ms Jones has decided to wade in on the argument.

Her article, published on the Daily Fail’s website (yes, that’s what many people call it) yesterday ranges from an unashamed admission that she frequently parks in spaces for disabled people to self-pity and discriminatory remarks. Here’s the link for the most outrageous and disgusting article I have read in ages: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2305113/Liz-Jones-Disabled-parking-bays-perfect–Land-Rover.html

Can I also just ask: who reads her articles when they’re submitted and thinks they’re acceptable? For example, this comment

“Not parking in a bay expressly designed for people with no arms or legs or eyes (why are they driving?).”

It’s neither funny or fair.

Liz Jones says she makes a point of parking in disabled bays. She says there are too many disabled spaces in Richmond – has she done a survey? Her only “evidence” of there being too many disabled parking spaces: “Have you ever seen seven paraplegics, all at once, at your local cinema? No.” 

Does she know how many people require these spaces to make going out possible? Does Ms Jones know how it feels to be in so much pain that a walk from your car to the supermarket could render you unable to do anything for days after that? I think not. 

Liz says her refusal to respect the users of these spaces is a protest against the red tape required to obtain a badge. She cites her mum’s difficulties in getting a badge. If this was the only reason she was doing it, I’d try to understand her point but she has written a flippant, offensive article that shows she will sink as low as using her own mother as excuse to be a thoughtless, disrespectful idiot.

The fact that the article veers wildly from her complaining about disabled bays to parent and child bays shows she has no concept of what an opinion piece should look like – this was pretty much stream of consciousness. I, personally, would never compare disabled bays with parent and child reserved parking as I don’t think they are comparable.

However, I guess Liz decided to mention parent and child parking as a way of dropping into the article that she is childless. “Given IVF is now on the NHS, being childless is an illness, non?” No, it’s not – it’s nothing like Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus, MS, Parkinson’s Disease, paraplegia among other disabilities. Being childless can be emotionally crippling for people who desperately want children but I gather from Ms Jones’s sentence that she is simply being provocative.

Oh, but wait, Liz says she is disabled. Apparently, she’s deaf. Again, the paragraphs written about her poor hearing demonstrate her self-centred, self-pitying personality. Has she ever considered what it feels like to have a condition that impinges on your daily life so badly that you have to ask a partner, a child, or a nurse to help you get dressed, bathe and eat? Has she ever thought about how embarrassing it is to truly need these spaces? I’ve never met someone who want to use these spaces – it’s a necessity.

And, by the way, some of these conditions have periods of remission. Many of them are invisible so to look at a person you may not know the amount of pain they are in or the damage that is going on inside them.

If you want their spaces so badly, Ms Jones, do you want their conditions too? Do you want to be unable to feed yourself? Do you want to have to use special medical equipment at home to be able to do things that most people do without thinking about it? Would you like to go on hundreds of hospital visits, be prodded and poked by doctors and have litres of blood taken every couple of weeks? How about pumping your body full of drugs that may destroy your vital organs or give you a terminal disease but the alternative is being unable to survive comfortably? Do you fancy operations and tests beyond your wildest imagination? How about being unable to travel or, if you do, having to consider whether your medication is legal in the country you’re visiting or having to make extra arrangements for the equipment (like oxygen canisters) you have to take with you?

Didn’t think so.

Vic x